Here Is Gone [Goo Goo Dolls]

To be honest I've been avoiding writing this post. Writing this makes everything a lot more official in my brain, but it needs to get done. I am officially out of the Great North State. The move was an adventure which I will attempt to document in all its glory, but there are a few things I need to do before I start.

The weeks leading up to my departure were a mix of melancholy and insane fun. I know I never took my friends for granted, but these past weeks showed me just how blessed I have been to have them all in my life. I want to thank each of you for the things you've done for me through the whole process of this crazy grad school adventure. With your encouragement and support I'm about to embark on the most amazing and crazy journey of my life. I want you all to know that this is not just my adventure, but yours as well. I don't plan on making a lot of personal shoutouts (unless you send me baked goods, DTH's, DVD's, or any other amazing piece of American culture you feel necessary), but in this moment I need to do this (I'll probably spread these out over a few posts, so if you're not in this one don't fear!):

LS: I have yet to take off my bracelet (that's what I'm wearing it as now). I miss you and the apartment and all our crazy and not-so-crazy shenanigans. There's really no words to say what I want to say, but I know you know what I mean. So let's just leave it at that!

KR: Thank you for the beautiful journal and Koi Fish - they will make amazing travel companions. Thank you also for putting up with me when I was in my funk of a depression a year ago. You really knew how to give me my space while also being the most amazing friend I could have asked for.

SB: I cannot believe you drove from MS to NC just to say see you later to me :) you are truly an amazing friend and I love you. Please go take a lesson with Robertas for me! I expect you in Budapest soon.

TC&MM&SG&JM&RO: Thank you for your friendship, mothering, and happiness. I could not have asked for better people to spend my days with over the past two years. Thank you for believing me and encouraging me in all aspects of my life. Know that though I'm out of NC I will never be out of your hearts - and you will always be in mine!

CC&LC: 1000x + infinity I'm sorry's for missing your big day. I love you both and am so glad to have had the chance to get to know you. Send me pictures!

Aerial Ladies: I am so thankful to have made such amazing friends in a short period of time. I will miss being upside down with you all :) Come visit me - we can find a circus and run away with it.

NM&RW: Thanks for making my last night out in CH an awesome one. It was nice to see you both before I left town and share a lot of laughs.

IP&JW: Enjoy the bookshelves and bar stools :) I wish I had more time to enjoy your house (and hot tub!) but know I'll be taking advantage of your guest room at some point. Love you guys!

And now....the MOVE:

An alternate title to this post could be: "On Why Not To Move Back Into Your Folks' House." I've tried really hard over the past three weeks to sort my things, trash what needed to be trashed, and passed on things that could be used by others. I hate having a lot of "stuff" and wish I could live a lot more simply than I do. That being said, it's really hard to get rid of things. I know I hang onto things under the knowledge than in a year or so I will trash it, but for right now I cannot part with them. These things include mementos of exes, paperwork from friends, articles about things I never really cared about in the first place. I had at least 3 trash bags full of things like this. And somehow I still have so much stuff.

Granted, I have been out of my parent's house, living essentially on my own for the past six years (college counts, I don't care what you all say). I have full living room stuff, kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, and bedroom stuff. And clothes and shoes. I'm a girl, the last part ought to go without saying. But I did get rid of a huge overflowing trash bag full of clothes. That was an accomplishment.

So, I packed up my life in a bunch of boxes and left a chunk of stuff unpacked (big mistake, that made the move a little too difficult). Then, in the blistering North Carolina heat and humidity I packed my life into a 14 foot U-Haul. That always gives me pain in my stomach - not the packing itself, but seeing my life condensed into such a small space. It didn't even come close to filling up the truck. Maybe 1/2 full - maybe. My car was also stuffed to the gills - but that was more because I didn't want any breakables or electronics having the potential of being smashed.

Then the drive. Oh the drive. Mom thankfully drove the U-Haul. I led the way with Phoenix (the cat) as my co-pilot. She was amazing, if you were wondering. She spent most of her time passed out on the passenger seat. Every time we stopped to eat, pump gas, or use the bathroom the cat used her litter-box which was set up in the back seat. What a brilliant cat. Just one of the many reasons I love her so much. Have I mentioned how leaving her behind for two years is potentially the most heartbreaking part of this whole story? I can talk to friends and family, but I can't talk to my kitty. Damnit.

I can tell you I cried multiple times on the first day of the drive:

1. Taking the last walk around my [almost] barren apartment.

2. Pulling out of my apartment complex

3. Driving past Manning Drive/Campus

4. Crossing out of Chapel Hill into Durham

5. Crossing the NC/VA state line

6. Crossing the Mason-Dixon line

It was so sad leaving the place that has started to feel more like home than anywhere else (except maybe my parent's house). I love Chapel Hill/Carrboro. I love having a bazillion places to eat out at with friends, I love having things to do at all times of the year/week/day. I love having so many amazing friends a short drive away. I love my Carolina Pride and my Tar Heels. I am going to miss it - but you know what, I think that I need to miss it. I need the separation to know how much I love it there and to be able to appreciate it. I was starting to get into a pattern of just existing in the area, and you can't just exist in Carolina (there's some rule about it, I promise).

So we got 1/2 way through PA in the first day (here is the short mention about how I never went over 60mph the whole way home because it was impossible to make the U-Haul go that fast. It sucked, we survived - but my lead foot protested much). Got back to NH at about 4pm on Thursday and then spent the afternoon today unloading my life from the U-Haul into the garage. Moving back into your childhood home is awkward. Where do you and your stuff fit now? How do you reclaim your childhood room that's been taken over in your absence? Does it really count as moving back in if your stuff is moving back in, but you're moving out of the country?

So I leave the country next week Thursday at 9:30pm (with mom in tow) and we land in Zurich, Switzerland. We will have a 7 hour layover, during which we plan on locking up our carry-ons and head out into the city. There I plan to: buy some chocolate, buy a watch, and open a bank account. I would buy a army knife, but my father reminded me I would not be allowed back through security with alas - I shall have to just buy more chocolate. We'll trek back to the airport, through security and finally onto the giant bird that will take me to my future home of two years.

It's absolutely crazy. But it's so exciting and exhilarating and a million different emotions all at once that I cannot wait for it to be here. And on that note, I'll probably post once more before I leave.