Coming Home

It's been almost two full years since I left Budapest.

Two years. 

I never really understood 'time flies' until recently. I've been watching kids I babysat for grow into amazing little people who I can have honest and thought-provoking conversations with. I've watched my five year high school reunion come and go (and have started dreading looking forward to the ten year reunion this year). Then I watched my five year college reunion come and go. I've watched friends get married and my best friend have a sweet little baby boy. 

I've done things, been places, made new friendships, and grown more solid in old ones. I've been having quite an amazing and eventful life. I honestly couldn't feel more blessed in where I'm at and who I've become.

But, it's been two years since I returned home from Budapest, Hungary. And while some days it feels like it was yesterday, some days it feels like it was a lifetime ago. It was an amazing, exciting, and whirlwind period of my life. 

What's most important though, is that I'm not the same girl I was before. Living abroad does that to you. Heck, moving somewhere else across the country does that to you too. It changes how you see things and how you interact with people. It shows you that things aren't exactly the same way here that they are elsewhere. It makes you realized that there is so much amazing out in the world. It's eye-opening and thrilling and scary and wonderful.

Coming home, though? 

That's tough. Because things are not quite as you left them. People have changed in your absence. Your home may have been remodeled a little, habits of friends or family may have changed, and life isn't just how you remembered. Because you have changed too.  

And what I've realized in two years is that coming home is a process. You can't just slip back into your old life and expect it to fit like a favorite pair of jeans. Because you've changed so much. You've grown and developed and become so much more of yourself than you were before. You may look like the old you, but inside you're blooming and changing and evaluating everything you've ever known with fresh eyes.

And this process of coming home doesn't seem to be a process that necessarily gets easier with time. 

When you first get home people want to hear everything and see every picture that you took overseas. They want to be wowed with beautiful stories of fancy castles and delicious dinners. They want to hear about the people you met and where you lived and how is it to live somewhere that's not here? They want to live their lives vicariously through you for just a moment.

And on their terms.

And then there comes a point where those people have heard enough and they want to get back to living in their (and now your) present. They want to talk about the things and the people here. Back to the common experiences and the things that make sense.

And you? You're still not done with the there. And the things going on here and now don't make sense to you any more than your trips make sense to them.  

Because it was a time and a place that changed your life. 

So, whenever you bring it up that place (your other, previous overseas life) in a conversation you may get that eye roll from a friend. Or the slight smile that seems to say 'you don't live there anymore, get over it. And it will manifest itself in many little other ways. 

And at some point it will start to hurt a little. You'll feel slighted that you can't talk about an experience you had that's relevant to a conversation just because it happened while you weren't here. You bottle up your experiences and hold them tight within your heart. And you start to think about how coming home  is the hardest thing you've ever done. Because no one gets it.

But here's the thing: some people do get it. Because they've done that too. They've gone away as someone and come home again as someone new. There are people out there who will listen when you tell your stories, or even ask you for a new one. There are people that you can talk to about how different life is when you make your way back home. You just have to find them.

Because? Some people will never get it. 

You have to have left in order to come back. And until you've done that you will never know or understand how it feels to live your life outside the things you have always known. And until you've left, you will never understand how it feels to come home.

Coming home? 

Yeah, it's hard.

Two years later and it's still hard.

But I wouldn't trade being able to come home for anything in the world.

Obligatory NYE Post :)

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Happy Last Day of 2010 Everyone!

I'm knee-deep in writing a paper that's due the 3rd,

(which is also one of the reasons for my absence! sorry)

so this post will be short.

2010 was awesome,

but I hope that

2011 will be even better!

And a little thing I've realized today

(if you follow me on twitter, this isn't news to you)

My life seems to take a drastic change every four years:

2003:

graduate high school

move to North Carolina

start college

2007:

graduate college

get first real job

2011:

graduate from grad school

(then I'll be Master Courtney!)

___________!

I cannot wait to see where 2011 takes me,

but if my 4-year-cycle

has set any precedent,

it's certain to be amazing.

And I want to wish that

amazingness to you all as well!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Hello, November.

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Can you believe it's already the middle of November?

That there are only 26 days until I go home?

That there are only *gasp* 36 days until Christmas?

I have so much work still to get done (Latin 'exam', 6 papers - oh, and maybe some actual work on my thesis?) before I can even begin to think about being done with this semester. Granted most papers aren't due until Jan 15, but still - I'd like to be as done with them as possible before I go home so I can actually enjoy Christmas.

I started looking, seriously, at some post-baccs to apply for (remember that dream from way-back-when? before I moved to Budapest?). I cannot believe the time has come to actually begin applying for them! (seriously, where did the last two years go? Is this how fast time really goes by!?) One of the ones I've been seriously looking at is at the University of Louisville (much to the dismay of my dad, a die-hard UK Wildcats alum/fan). Why UL (seeing as I was raised a UK fan as well...) - well, not only is it the complete package that I'm interested in (study groups, shadowing available, MCAT prep courses, volunteer opportunities, etc.), but they also have a program that if you do well (3.3+ in your coursework, you're accepted to their med school. Which is in the top 75 of the US - not super high, but still a pretty decent position! So, that will probably be the #1 on my list. Applications to start in the fall aren't due till June, but they do rolling admissions, and only accept a small number of students, so it's better to get them in fast! It's also good because a post-bacc not only readies you for med school, but vet school, dental school, pt school and an other med-based sort of school. So, no need to have my mind made up 100% just yet, right? Options, people, options.

And now, to start another paper (just finished one a few hours ago...)

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

I'll Be Your Guest

The blog I wrote for a Guest Blog Spot over at Here I Scribble seems so much more appropriate today than when I wrote it a few weeks ago.

Today, class and then getting ready for another trans-atlantic voyage. At least I'm racking up a good deal of miles.

For some moments in life there are no words.

[David Seltzer, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory]

Thoughts & Prayers?

Hey everyone, just a quick note to ask you for your thoughts and prayers for my Great Aunt Ruth who had to be hospitalized this morning.

She's the spunkiest, most amazing 96 year old woman I know, and I love her dearly. She's tiny (really, I'd say just over 4 1/2 feet!) but she makes up for it in personality every day of the week. She's so funny - I remember talking to her about boys one afternoon and her talking about her first kiss and saying things that literally had me rocking in my chair.

So, if you can just keep her in your prayers and in your hearts, me and my family would appreciate it immensely.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. [James 5:15-6]

On Turning 25

I am slowly approaching the quarter-of-a-century mark, in four minutes it will be my birthday.

Technically I won't be 25 for a few more hours, so in theory I can enjoy 24 a little longer. However, I'm not afraid of this birthday. I'm nowhere near lamenting my youth (heck! it's not even close to being over!). I am loving my mid-twenties.

In general, life is good.

So here, on this anniversary of my debut into the world, I give you 25 things I've learned in 25 years:

1) Share your crayons; even your favorite sparkly pink one. Even though only children get the bad rep of being princesses who don't know how to share things with others, I learned early on that sharing is the easiest way to make friends. Learn this one early, apply it to the rest of your life.

2) Always follow your heart, but let your head have room to speak as well. I think the advice to follow your heart is pretty reliable, however I think my amendment is well needed. Your heart will never look out against your favor, but it's nice to have your brain there to say "woah, maybe you don't really need to..."

3) Always say please & thank you. Politeness is way underrated in today's society. Kind words and thoughtful actions will get you far.

4) Don't stick with things and/or people because they're comfortable. Once things get comfortable we forget to evaluate them. You don't want to let go because they used to be amazing, used to make you smile, used to, used to, used to... That old sweater with holes in the armpits and stains on the sleeves? Toss it. The boyfriend who forgets your birthday and never compliments you anymore? Toss is. Never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

5) Send cards and real letters. Real mail is an amazing thing. Just pulling an envelope out of your mailbox that doesn't contain a bill makes you feel like you won the lottery. Knowing someone picked out that card just for you, or sat down to pen you a letter updating you on life and saying hello? That's priceless.

6) Brush your teeth twice a day (at least). Dentists suck. Dentist bills suck. It takes 6 minutes out of your day total, and the rewards for it are endless. No bad breath, no unnecessary invasions of your mouth by your dentist.

7) Take as many pictures as you can. For me, photographs are worth so much more than any trinket I can buy in a place. A shot glass with my name on it from Paris? Will probably break in a few years or get lost or covered in dust (or both). The amazing pictures I took at Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower? Mine forever, ready to be printed out, framed and hung on my wall for everyone to ooh! and aah! over.

8) Tell the people you love that you love them. This world is a funny place, people come and go. Accidents happen. Telling someone that they mean the world to you, may mean the world to them.

9) Never go to bed angry. Not only does it make it hard to fall asleep, or your dreams less than pleasant, it's just not worth it. I've always been this way. If mom or dad and I got in a fight I couldn't go to sleep, I'd write them notes telling them I loved them and that I was sorry (even when I knew I was in the right! I would cave and make up, just so to not go to bed angry).

10) Listen when people are talking to you. How often we zone out when in the middle of a conversation! How much time we spend thinking about what we're going to say next! Stop it! Listen to what the person you're talking to has to say.

11) Use your turn signal. No, really. Please use it.

12) Read at least 25 books a year. Reading is like taking a journey with friends you never knew you could have with whom you can go on amazing adventures with. There are millions of amazing stories - some true, some not - out there to explore. Get your face out of your TV screen and into a book.

13) Work with kids at least once. Working at camp this summer reminded me of what being 13 was like. Okay, it reminded me of the good things at 13 (and not the pimply faced boys and middle school drama), but still. Children are the most intense little people there are. Their ideas are wonderful and they're still so full of optimism and wonder with the world. We could all only dream of welcoming a bit of that wide-eyed life into our worlds.

14) Travel. Preferably when you're younger - without obligations or time constraints - but, if that's not an option do it when you can. There's a massive amount of world out there to see, if you stay huddled up in your little corner of it you're missing out on so much. Traveling allows you to open your eyes, see new places, meet new people; it gives you the perspective that while there's a lot of world, it's still pretty small.

15) Wear sunscreen. I'm not trying to copy that old graduation song here. This one is serious! I've turned into a lobster so many summers it's no longer funny. Sunburns are serious business. Wear your sunscreen.

16) You're never too old to make new best friends. Some of the most amazing people I know have come into my life in the last 4 years. If I had closed the doors to new people mid-way through college I would be lost right now. I've started to believe that people have a role to play in the stories of our lives. Some are meant to come early and stay for the whole show, while some only get cameo appearances. It's the mark they make on your life that is what counts, and both are equally as important.

17) Put your family first. They are truly the only people in the world that will love you no matter what is going on in your life. Where friends may dessert you, your family will always be there with a hug or a phone call. Love your mother and your father every day the same way you loved them when you were three and they were your whole world - because they still are your whole world.

18) Leave gossip to the gossip magazines. Heard from someone that someone else called you a name and said hateful things about you? Don't start calling them names or cry because they may have said that - call them and ask them for yourself. Chances are there was a miscommunication along the line and either they never said it, or the reason they said it was something you didn't realized you did. Either way, you can remedy the problem, or cut off ties with that person with full knowledge of the situation.

19) New & Improved is not necessarily better. I remember when I was little Crest made the most amazing toothpaste - it tasted amazing and looked like it had glitter in it. I loved brushing my teeth. Then it became "new & improved" and it tasted horrible. And I had to settle for regular, boring, sparkleless toothpaste. Sometimes new does not mean better.

20) Volunteer. It's a humbling experience. Doing something for no return or reciprocation is one of the greatest acts we can do for another. Your time is the most precious gift you have, give it away to things that need it most.

21) Sleep with your stuffed animals/blankets as long as you want to. I don't care, there is no age where it is too old to cuddle up at night with that security item. My pink cat (Pink Kitty) and blanket have been through EVERYTHING with me in my past 25 years, why should they get the shaft now?

22) Never be afraid to do the things which scare you most. Or the things that people look at you with that look in their eye of but you're 24, shouldn't you be settling down by now? Getting a job? Getting married? No, I want to go to Budapest and get my MA degree, thankyouverrymuch. If we spend our whole lives living according to what other people think of us and our dreams, whose life are we really living? I've worked hard to shape my life into my life and I am quite enjoying it that way.

23) Let people put their two cents in. Seems a little contradictory to @22, no? Well, it's not. Letting people give you their advice is a good practice to keep. What is important is what you do with it. You have to let the bad, inhibiting advice roll off your back and out of your mind. But within all that negative advice (which usually just stems from jealousy, mind you. People tell you to not move overseas for school because, well, they really wished they had the kahones to do it themselves, but don't; so why should you get all the fun?), there are some pieces that you can take and shape so that they help you along the way.

24) Always have an extra $50 stashed away, just in case. It's a smart practice. You never know when you'll be in a tight spot. The hard part comes in making sure you know that it's onlyforemergencies; and that those new stellar shoes do not constitute an emergency.

25) Love. Everyone. Everything. Don't be afraid to give of yourself so that you can get that love in return. So much of our lives are spent in hate. All that negative energy floats around us like heavy rain clouds. We need to get out of that fog, get away from all that hate and learn that loving is so much easier.

There are so, so, so many more. Maybe you'll get some more when I hit 26, but for now it's time for bed. Gotta get some sleep before the festivities begin tomorrow!

Happy Birthday to me!

Quarter Life Crisis

I turn 25 this week and am in need of a good quarter life crisis.

Anyone have any good ideas?

I'm thinking going to GradSchool in Budapest wasn't enough for this girl.

There's plenty of time for settling down-ing, and job-ing, and live-ing in my future. What shall I do with my youth? I mean, there's more GradSchool to be done later on, but what about now?

I'm thinking WorldTeach may be my solution, maybe in the American Samoas?