45 Years & Lots of Love

September 14th was my parent's 45th wedding anniversary. 

Yep, you read that right: 45 years.

That's a whole lot of years.

Even more days.

An innumerable amount of seconds.

And a whole lot of love.

I really am blessed to have these two as my parents as well as my best friends. They're the kindest, most supportive, and loving people I have ever known. They've encouraged me and been there for me through every decision, every up, and every down - basically, every moment of every day of my entire life.

And what's more, they've been there and supportive of each other across the years as well. It's inspiring to have them to look up to as I've grown up. They're a testament to a true partnership - they're there for each other through the thicks and thins and the ups and downs. They know exactly how to push each other's buttons and exactly how to make each other happy. 

I've said it before, but in a world filled with divorces every other weekend, it's a blessing to have two people showing how to keep that commitment  to each other and prove that love really is all you need. 

These two really have made me who I am today. And I could not (and would not) be where or who I am without their love, support, guidance, and example. They're my best friends in the world. And I couldn't be happier or prouder of that fact. 

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!
I love you both with everything I am!
Here's to 45 (or more) more!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

I love my father as the stars - 

he's a bright shining example 

and a happy twinkling in my heart.

- Terri Guillemets

Happy Birthday to the most amazing man I have ever known! Your dedication and passion in life for all that you do and the kindness and love you always show to those around you have made me into the person I am today. I can only hope to follow in your footsteps as I go down this path of my life. 

Happy Birthday to the man who has always stood behind me in all the tough (and easy) decisions I've ever made in my life. Thank you for never doubting me or second guessing me - but for always being a sounding board and a gentle hand of guidance in the right direction when I wasn't so sure I was going the right way.  

Happy Birthday to the man who has taught me to love and be proud of the country in which I was born and raised. Your years of service in the Air Force as well as the years you've worked in the NICU have shown me what true dedication and service looks like. I am proud of many things in my life, but there are not many things I'm more proud of than being your daughter.

Happy Birthday to a man with a sense of humor I totally get and probably take after (along with mom's as well, that's for sure!). Thanks for teaching me it's (almost) always okay to randomly stick your arm into holes in hundreds of years old ruins. Especially when there's a silly picture to be taken.

Happy Birthday to a man with a sense of adventure - even though it's taken us a while, I cannot wait to go on many, many more fun and exciting trips with you and mom! I am so glad that I studied abroad in Italy (and that you and mom let me!) for so many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is that it got you and mom bit by the travel bug! I cannot imagine our lives without our recent adventures/vacations! From North Carolina to Rome to Paris to Budapest to Prague to Poland to Vienna - we've been a lot of places in this world so far! The world is our open book - where to next? 

Happy Birthday to the #1 man in my life since the day I was born. You've never left my side and have loved me and helped me through every scraped knee, ear infection, broken heart, rejection letter, rejection anything-else, disappointment, and let-down. And thank you for always being there to rejoice and cheer me on through every fencing win, soccer/t-ball/softball game, academic success, silly role in a play, endless (and seemingly pointless) field hockey games, and every other bit of happy that has ever filled my life. I am so blessed to have you as my father. And even better, I'm so blessed to have had you and mom there to love and raise me every day of my life.

Happy Birthday Daddy! Here's to many, many more together! 

He didn't tell me how to live;

he lived, and he let me watch him do it.

- Clarence Budington Kelland

A Year Gone By

This post has been weighing heavily on my heart the past few days. I thought about writing it earlier and setting it to post, but that didn't seem quite right. It had to happen today, filled with my thoughts and emotions of today and this past week. It had to be written in the moment, not crafted and eloquent. 

Just emotion, nothing else.

A year ago, today, the world lost an amazing, amazing man. 

Mr. U. was a man like none other. 

His heart had so much love to give. So much. Anyone who came into his life was immediately welcomed with a smile, warm hug, and more love than they knew what to do with. His compassion knew no bounds. He was always there to help someone in need, provide comfort to someone who was down, provide what was needed simply because it was the right thing to do. 

And people loved him equally as much. 

I miss him. 

So much.

It's hard to believe that it's been a year since he last walked the earth. Since he last sat out on a porch swing marveling in everything that is so wonderful in the world. Since he last sat across the living room, smiling at me and my dad and singing "hey there, daddy's girl." Since he last reminded me to always, always tell people who you care about that you love them. 

Since he last kissed me goodbye and said "I love you."

My heart hurts. It aches. 

But I'm not just filled with sadness today. I am also still so completely full with love.

Love for, and love from, a man who loved everyone and everything without limits. A man that loved life in a way that makes me spend my days wanting to find that same joy and passion about everything in my day. A man who I always hope to make proud.

I love you, Mr. U., always. 

Home.

Source: malaimports.ca via Lexi on Pinterest

It's always funny to me how a few days off from updating the blog ends up feeling like a lifetime. I mean, I posted on Wednesday. That was 5 days ago. But it feels like forever. It feels like the beginning of a rut. But it's not, I promise. I just am trying to post when I have meaningful things to say (or books to review!) and trying to make sure that life comes before blogging about life. You know?

So, these past five days I was simply enjoying being at home, hanging out with my parents like I used to before college and jobs and grad school and more jobs. Like I used to when life was a lot more simple and I had no idea what the meaning of 'bills' was. As adults we don't have a lot of time given to us to just be with our parents. We take vacations home or parents take vacations to wherever we happen to be at the time, but no matter what you do they're all to quick in passing. I've been home over a month, just enjoying life with my parents. I'm that girl who will never ever ever grow up. 

Remember how my word to focus on for 2013 is NOW? 

Well, that's where I've been living. And I've been loving it so far. 

I packed up my car and left home this afternoon to head back up to Maine. Got my Starbucks and hit the open (well, littered with traffic) road. And tomorrow I go back to the real world. Or, as close to the 'real world' as my life seems to get these days. 

I miss home already. 

Shoulders & Family Times

 Last Tuesday my dad went into the hospital for shoulder surgery. He had his right shoulder done a few years ago and it was a pretty simple surgery with a fairly easy recovery. This time he expected much the same thing. However, when the doctor went in, they found that a bunch more damage had been done to this shoulder and there was more to repair. Thankfully all went well and he was in and out as scheduled. Instead of a nice, normal, across the body type thing, he's in this crazy contraption of foam and velcro that criss crosses over him a few times and has his arm at a 90 degree angle from his body. It's really crazy looking, and even more impossible to get right, let me tell you. So, he was a little out of sorts when he realized that this sling, and this surgery, meant that he was going to be in this contraption for four to six weeks. 

Wednesday night and Thursday morning, however, he wasn't feeling so great so (after making him call the doctor and listening to what they had to say.... honestly, people in the medical profession are the most stubborn about going to the doctor/hospital) I took him into the ER just to have things checked out. Having to call mom at work and let her know we were headed in was tough - because I didn't want to worry her because neither me or my dad thought it was that bad. But we (obviously) had to let her know what was going on, but we didn't want to worry her! We ended up spending all day in the ER and he was admitted for the night as a just in case precaution (seriously all day - we got in at about 11 and he got moved to his room at about 7pm and mom and I left at about 8pm....).  

Thankfully everything was okay with him and we took him home Friday morning. If nothing else, going in and being checked out made him feel a lot better about his shoulder and how he was feeling. The nurses that took care of him while he was there were amazing. They had a lot to talk about with my dad - seeing as he was there overnight (the shift he works in the NICU at his hospital), they made jokes about the night shift and hospital life. It was nice to see such great people working in our local hospital - and even nicer to see that my dad had them there taking care of him. It was amusing because he kept making comments about how now he 'knows how the babies he works with feel' and how this time was his first time overnight in a hospital not working. Nurses are really amazing people.

I'm really lucky to have my dad as mine. He's a great guy, and seeing him in pain with this surgery hasn't been fun. Then, no kid ever likes to see their parents in the hospital or in pain, and I'm no different. But, as an only child, I think that maybe it's a little harder for me? And watching my mom worry over my dad just as much as I've been worrying over him reminds me of just how special a love that lasts that long is - how important the people in your life are. 

I love my parents, they've been my biggest supporters and encouragers and friends my entire life. I've always known I was a lucky kid - my parents have never had anything other than my best interest at heart (even when, at the time I might have thought otherwise), and gave up a lot of their time to do things with/for me that they probably didn't want to be doing (or had things that they wanted/needed to do). So, yes, I know I'm lucky. But sometimes it takes something like an unexpected, all-day trip to the ER to remind you just how good you've got it. 

So, in these days post-Christmas and nearing to the end of 2012, hug your parents and tell them you love them. Because, really, they're some of the most important people in your world. 

Mom and Dad?  You ROCK! 

I love you both! 

Heartbroken

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart,

and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

[Kahlil Gibran]

Yesterday the world lost an amazing man, but heaven gained one amazing angel. The man who has been an extra grandfather to me my whole life passed away yesterday, and my heart is full of sadness over the loss. Every time I realize I won't hear his voice again or see his smile brings unbelievable pain. There may have not been blood binding our families together, but he is my grandfather in every other sense of the world. We don't need blood to form the strongest bonds in our world. We need love, and Mr. U had that in abundance.

He and his wife took my father into their family years ago after his father had passed away when he was nine years old. My dad joined their newly formed Boy Scout troop and ever since has been their other child. When he married my mother she became their daughter-in-law. When I was born I was their other grandchild. Every milestone was as important to them as if we were related by blood. Because the love was there and cherished. 

I could list the accomplishments of his life and tell you about all the other reasons he was an amazing force upon this earth. But words won't do him justice. He loved many and was loved by many. And that is an amazing legacy to leave behind. 

I wish he was still here with us, but I know that he is no longer suffering and will not suffer the fate so many with cancer suffer. 

I Love You, Mr. U., Always. 

So, What You Doin' For The Rest Of Your Life?

Guess who doesn't have an answer to that question just yet?

Yeah, me.

I don't feel so bad about that, actually

(sorry, mom and dad!).

However, I'm actively looking many directions,

PhD, Post-Bacc Pre-Med, etc,

and sending out emails to professors, coordinators, and students.

But today I sent the scariest email of all:

an inquiry to some professors at Cambridge.

Yes, Cambridge.

As in England.

As in the University of Cambridge.

As in one of the first and best universities.

As in:

Holy Crud!

Who am I?!

Also, if you have a moment,

please send out a prayer/good thought/good karma/etc

to a family friend Mr. U,

who is 94,

who is in essence one of my grandfathers,

and is strongly loved by many.

He had surgery today,

so if you could lift him up in your thoughts,

I'd be grateful.

What A Week & Syncroblog?

"It's about a girl who is on the cusp of becoming someone.. A girl who may not know what she wants right now, and she may not know who she is right now, but who deserves the chance to find out."

[Jodi Pocoult, My Sister's Keeper]

This past week has been SO busy.

But in an incredibly awesome way.

My dad was here!

We hung out,

ate some good food,

saw some of Budapest,

went to Vienna,

and just enjoyed ourselves!

I am SO thankful he was able to come visit me.

It's sad though - the next time I see him (and my mom)

will be for my Graduation!

After that, no more Budapest!

Crazy!

Where have these two years gone?!

Also,

would anyone be interested in a being in a

syncroblog?

I think it could be a LOT of fun,

give me a reason to

take a break from my thesis

and actually blog on some fun things :)

Leave me a comment,

or send me an email

if you want to join!

Time To Play Catch-Up

I am so out of it.

So. Out. Of. It.

Four trans-atlantic voyages in a month can do that to you, I guess. The hours on end of recycled air, the tiny microwaved boxes of food. (The free wine and after dinner drinks.) But still, I'm out of it. I've been in a perpetual state of jet-lag for almost a month. My body has decided that it will sleep when it well wants to, and I really have nothing to say on the matter.

And you know what? I don't care. I wouldn't have changed my decisions over the last month for anything. Going home when my Great Aunt got sick? It was worth it for being able to hold her hand when she was getting better and tell her I love her. Going home again to go to her funeral? It was worth it to be with my family, to mourn her passing and to celebrate her life.

There is nothing to regret on either of those decisions. I recognize how blessed I am to have been able to go home even once, let alone twice. I am so incredibly thankful for that. I can deal with making up work for the past few weeks and I can deal with getting my body back onto one time zone. Not going home wasn't an option for me either time.

A Different Sort Of Prayer

Weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

[Psalm 30:5]

The last time I posted about my Great Aunt, things were looking much better. She was off the ventilator; no more major tubes running down her throat. She was down to only a few types of medicines - mostly only for pain from her surgery and to help fight the infection that's growing in her abdomen. She held my hand, looked me in the eyes when I talked to her, squeezed it when I told her I'd see her again at Christmas, and squeezed it even harder when I told her I loved her.

I actually started, finished, and posted a totally different post about an hour ago. One asking for continued prayers/thoughts/etc for my Great Aunt Ruth as she was starting to get worse only after getting better when I was home a week ago. Only moments after I pressed the button to post, everything changed.

This afternoon my Great Aunt Ruth passed away. She was 94, and though she was the tiniest woman I've known, she is also one of the strongest, most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure to know. She was stubborn. She was sweet and caring. And she loved her family with every fiber of her being.

I'm going to miss her more than words will every be able to express. She was, in a sense, a piece of the glue that held everything together. But, I know, that her memory and her ongoing love will continue to hold everything together even after her passing. She's in a better place now, I do believe that. She feels no more pain, she's reunited with her husband and her daughter, she's watching over all of us at every moment. And we'll all be together again someday, as a large, joyous family.

I'll miss you Auntie Ruth. And I love you!

And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.

[John 6:39-40]

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy Birthday Mommy!

She's quite possibly the most wonderful, amazing, and kind-hearted people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I am lucky to have you as my mother! I cannot imagine what my life would be like without you - thank you for going on so many amazing adventures with me. Thank you for offering advice when I asked for it (and even when I didn't think to or want to!) and for being there with a kind word or a hug when I made my own mistakes despite your advice.

I LOVE YOU!!!!

XOXOX

PS. I am so jealous that you get to go see Jeff Dunham (.com) tonight. Bring me back something to laugh at that will make my sides ache. HAVE FUN!

Good Life [OneRepublic]

My Great Aunt Ruth is doing better!

I can't believe how great it feels to be saying that! I mean, she's still in the hospital, and still has a long way to go, but she's doing better! On Saturday they had taken the ventilator out early that morning and when we got to see her she was no longer sedated. In the morning she was still pretty out of it and groggy, but it was so nice to see her without a tube down her throat and cords coming every which way from her.

And then that afternoon, when we came to visit again before heading home - she was awake and alert! When I went in my mom was already there (only two people allowed at a time in the ICU) she looked from my mom right at me! And when mom let go of her hand, she reached for mine! Mom and I stood there, holding her hand, just so overjoyed to be looking into her eyes and not at machines! We told her she looked a lot better, to which she mouthed 'thank you' (or, at least that's what it looked like), and she kept holding and rubbing my hand. And then when I told her I had to leave, to go back to Budapest, I told her I loved her and that I would see her again at Christmas, and she squeezed my hand so tight!

I am so glad I decided to take the week to go home an be with my family. Our family is small, and every person therefore is loved and valued so much. Not that they wouldn't be if we had a huge family, but you know what I mean? Right? [I didn't just stick my foot in my mouth or something, did I?]

Thank you again for your continued thoughts/prayers/whatevers! You have no idea how much I appreciate every single one of them!

The trip back to Budapest was kindof a pain. Got on the big metallic bird in Boston only to find out we'd be sitting there for an hour while a tire was changed. An extra hour in a middle seat (these things happen when you book a trip the day before you leave...) on top of a 6.5 hour flight is not fun, let me tell you. And I was grumpy about having to leave home (autumn in New England is AMAZING this year - but I will save that for another post, once I get my pictures uploaded and edited), already overtired, and crammed into a tiny seat with no personal tv console! Good thing I was planning on sleeping that 6.5 hours!

But then, an hour late taking off meant that I would miss my connecting in Frankfurt. Which also meant that I would miss my class (I should have known - I selected those flights with the precise purpose of being back for my Latin class after missing it for a week!), and would be even more grumpy and overtired. C'est la vie, non? I've prided myself on being a really good, roll-with-the-punches sort of traveller, but with the sleep-deprived state I was in, plus the overcharged emotions of the week, this was just a mess for me.

And to top it all off, I had my idiot moment of the day. I had put both my carry-ons in the overhead (since I was in the middle seat in the middle of the plane I had no foot room. Right where my feet should go was the stump for the seat in front of me. The lack of personal TV console I could get over, but don't people think about who has to ride for 6+ hours on these things when they design them?), and when I got off I didn't think to check nothing had fallen out of my backpack.

See, I keep my sunglasses (my super-duper-on-sale Juicy Couture sunglasses in an obnoxiously large pink case) in the side pocket of my backpack. So, when I finally got through security in Germany (yes, they make you go through security again!) I realized there was nothing in my side pocket! I nearly started crying. I went to the Lhufthansa service center, they gave me an address to email, I emailed them (begging for them to find my sunglasses), called my mom pretty upset about both the delay and my stupidity for not checking before I got off the plane, and then promptly took a 2+ hour nap stretched out on a bench of seats in the airport (this is why I always, always travel with my [full size] pillow and a blanket - I also had my arm tucked through a strap on both carry-ons).

When I woke up, I went to look for my book to read - and there were my sunglasses! Apparently when I had the guy sitting next to me put my backpack up in the overhead I though that they might fall out - so I moved them. And forgot I moved them. And freaked out about thinking I lost them. And there they were, mocking my stupidity from the entrails of my backpack. So happy that I didn't lose them!

So, I finally got home, missed my class, and promptly went to sleep.

For a good 12 hours.

And I'm still jet-lagged.

all images via we[heart]it

Update

So, in the end, I decided to go home for the week and visit my Great Aunt Ruth (who is 94, not 96, oops). It was a whirlwind of last-minute-ticket-buying, and after an incredible deal on the tickets (I like to think that meant that I was supposed to go home), here I am. Well, I got to New England Saturday night and down to Connecticut Sunday morning, but I'm still down here.

She looks like she's doing well. I mean that big of a surgery at 94 years old, looking well is a big deal. She's making babysteps forward, and that's really all you can ask for, you know? Any progress is good progress. So, thank you for your thoughts and prayers - they're working! So, please, continue to keep her in them :)

And now, since I'm in the middle of doing work for school since I took the week off, I will leave you with an awesome song that you should love (there's only a live version on YouTube, but the one on iTunes is pretty amazing too). It's the perfect autumn in New England type of song.

"New Hampshire," by Jason Reeves.

Thoughts & Prayers?

Hey everyone, just a quick note to ask you for your thoughts and prayers for my Great Aunt Ruth who had to be hospitalized this morning.

She's the spunkiest, most amazing 96 year old woman I know, and I love her dearly. She's tiny (really, I'd say just over 4 1/2 feet!) but she makes up for it in personality every day of the week. She's so funny - I remember talking to her about boys one afternoon and her talking about her first kiss and saying things that literally had me rocking in my chair.

So, if you can just keep her in your prayers and in your hearts, me and my family would appreciate it immensely.

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. [James 5:15-6]

The Love Of A Mother

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me,

but I think she enjoyed it.

[Mark Twain]

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!

But an especially happy set of wishes to the best mom out there, mine! (I may be a little biased on this one, but can you really blame me?) Seriously, I love this woman with all my heart!

She is one amazing lady, one whom, without,

I would not be the person I am today.

She's an awesome travel partner! Here we are in Rome, Italy in 2006.

Exactly 3 years ago today, Mom and I shared this day:

My college graduation, and her 21st Mother's Day.

Being a goofball runs in the family, I suppose.

But she always manages to out-do me.

Here we are on our layover in Zurich,

Swiss watches in hand and waiting for the train.

Our most recent adventure landed us in Budapest,

as you're all aware :)

The art of mothering is teaching

the art of living to children.

[Elain Heffner]